The Paradox of Choice is a great book that explains why the commonly held belief that "more choices=better" is wrong.

In one chapter, the author explains counterfactual thinking. Simply put, this is when we think about the world as it isn't, but might be or might have been. Essentially, it's when we think of an outcome of an event that is different from the way it actually happened.

There are two directions counterfactual thinking can occur. Upward thinking is an imagined state that is better than what actually happened. Downward thinking is an imagined state that is worse. As it turns out, upward thinking can be damaging to our emotional health and can be the cause of regret and despair. Downward thinking can be the cause of appreciation and contentedness.

Most people would probably tell you that it is better to will a silver medal in the Olympics than a bronze one. In reality, bronze medal winners are generally happier with their achievement than athletes who win silver. This is because the 3rd place winners tend to think of how close they were to 4th place and receiving nothing, whereas 2nd place finishers dwell on the tiny difference that cost them the gold.

I think that understanding the difference between upward and downward counterfactual thinking can help us be grateful for what we have and not feel regret for "the way things could have turned out."

One of the principles that I keep running across in several of the books I've read lately (The Paradox of Choice, Stumbling on Happiness, and Nudge) is that of loss aversion. Basically put, this is the idea that most people strongly prefer avoiding losses than acquiring gains. Additionally, losing seems to be a lot more bitter than winning is sweet.

This is why I try not to put to much emotion into the outcome of sporting events. In NCAA football, winning every game is often necessary in order to earn a BCS berth. It's kind of sad (and a little funny) to see the faces of the fans of a team that just lost their first game of the season after winning 8 or 9 or 10 straight. Clearly that loss causes more hurt than any of the wins caused joy.

On a somewhat related note, Stumbling on Happiness describes studies that show most people are not significantly happier or sadder three months after a major event in their lives (winning the lottery, death of a loved one, getting dumped etc.) Anter one year, almost nobody maintains significant change over their pre-event state.

I think all of this serves to remind us that when life stings us, keeping perspective can surely help us press on. Within a few months, chances are that everything will be back to normal.